But there is no reason for me to be sad. No fucking reason. I have the best family, best friends, best grades. I am the class topper. Everyone says i am smart and beautiful. Almost all the boys in my class and bus like me. But i hate myself. I feel like no one deserves to be related with me. And i am ONLY 12!!!! I recognize this very well, and am just hovering above it. Same with me, took a year off to write and then returned to a daily job.
And publishing, or writing for a living is not my idea of writing. I am in the same boat as you. I hope one day the world will be an easier place to live in filled with love and simplicity, and less of materialistic bullshit.
Thank you so much for this. Get good grades. Go to a good college. Get a good job. Get paid good money. Buy a good house. Good this, good that. This type of life just seems so fucking boring. Yeah, right. Others go aboard while I stay at home it breaks my heart. Not just about the money but something you are passionate about. Dont go to a college if you have to pay for it. Get a job an work your way up from the bottome, do online study. The job will give you the community and chose a job you think you would like to go into that industry,.
College today is a total scam because you can buy any text book you want, learn anything you want online for free. Trust me you dont want to be a lawyer or doctor, and engineers today dont need degrees, you just get one with a degree to sign off your work after you have made a name for your work.
I have to respectfully disagree about college as a scam. College may not be for everyone, but a degree can certainly help you in most careers today. Why be 10kk underpaid without a degree when doing the same work as someone with a degree? In my current line of work, I can only move up by having higher education regardless of the number of years I put in.
Unless you naturally have a talent or skill set that you can earn money with, consider going to college or at least the military — I spent 6 years in the Air Force during a point where I felt my life was directionless. My daughter is a sophomore in high school. She felt the same way as you, Teto. For years. She, in fact, opened my eyes to the absurdity of these institutions.
Sitting in a classroom all day, at desks? At a young, healthy, vital age? We are an artsy family and neither my husband nor myself work a 9 to 5 job. So we signed off for our teen daughter to be homeschooled. She may get her GED this summer. He thinks his sister is nuts. I see both sides.
My son is social, and competitive, and into computers and tech. My daughter would go comatose having to play those worldly games. The key is, find your actual passions, find your confidence, and minimize distractions, escapist tendencies, and other forms of BS. Talk honestly with whatever adults you can trust, about your feelings about all of this. So many things we are supposed to fall in line with ARE pointless, and are not about us at all, but about the power structures that rely on you to be a good littler worker.
There are many of us that have done well being creative and not following that 9 to 5 path. Connect with nature. A lot of people feel that way. It transcends us. It is a pure expression of life. Hi I know this comment was posted a long time ago, but you mentioned that you were an artsy family. What kind of artsy jobs do you work in? I can so much relate to you. I feel the same way! I miss feeling anything but anger. What is wrong with me. I will. AFTER all. I feel. Bella, I totally understand what you are going through.
I went through the same thing at My husband at the time cheated on me. I also had his Neice and nephew living with us. I was so depressed and resentful that he left me. I still am I have never been the same. I rarely experience joy in my life. But my worst mistake was taking it out on my oldest boy. And I was so strict and so hard on him. PLEASE if you only do one thing to change, love your son him, include him, talk to him, do not take it out on him. It will ruin his life. Your depression with transfer to him.
He will resent you. I was a good mother but I did take a lot out on my son, and I am paying for it big time. He is 31 and I He is depressed, lost, he takes it out on me now. When I would do anything to have a relationship with him.
Figure out how to deal with him. He is hurting as much as you are. I am still depressed. When someone causes that much harm to you. It must change your brain if your predisposed to it. But they both recently had to move far away from me. One for work the other for the armed forces. I am remarried but, he has cheated on me but I am totally dependent on him.
He has given all to my kids. I am perfectly content lying on the couch not going out for days. Which is very sad. I used to be up early and a very happy person.
All I meant to say was try to change your behavior towards your son before that becomes another battle you have to fight and feel guilty about. Feel just like you do. My son is the spitting image of his dad. I know this has put some distance between us…I just am not good at pretending. I do love him, so much…but I feel he senses the resistance. I feel similar to Bella.
I know I need to complete a book I have been trying to write for years, but depression holds me back. I went through a break up because my ex was absolutely awful and she was a serial cheater. I tried so many things to help this woman, but she just lived by lies. Interestingly enough, she blame shifts everything on me. Some how I am horrible because I caught her in the lies. As if I really wanted to be in the position to catch her cheating. Never an apology or anything just says she can never forgive me.
I am definitely depressed and have tried dating again, but it is awful. In addition, my heart seems to be completely numb. I do not have the emotional strength to deal with their demands and crazy mind bending, distorted attempts to begin a relationship. I just can not trust any women anymore. I just hope this passes soon. I can relate but I wish no death upon no one. There will be better days ahead I promise.
I look at women like that like a blessing I know that sounds weird. I mean I love kids and I have a heart but hey find ways to cope there is a light at the end of that tunnel, as they say. Good luck. Wow, are you a fly on the wall at my house? Great insight! I sympathise with your situation — I come from a big family 5 child family and my mother has suffered with depression for as long as i can remember.
I have also had severe depression several times in my life genetic? Please can I ask you a personal question? I had a boy very young and he is the only thing in this world that keeps me going. I keep going for my boy. Am not saying dont have kids or have kids! Mum and dad would fight like crazy but we was well taken care of. I was so close to my dad I was angry that he left us mum could not cope.
I blamed her for dad leaving I hated her with a passion. Dad had a bad motorbike crash witch left him brain dead and paralysed My world ended I was not you typical teeny was worse. I caught with child when I was 19 I sat in the clinic to get rid … I could not do it. Now I have a wonderful boy sure sometimes I still feel depresses my gran said to me I should not have a child for unconditional love , I then got caught with another child when my lad was 2.
He died at 32 weeks he was very poorly. I pushed every one away held my boy I had left even closer. Hun you have children when your ready xx.
People may read this and think its unfair to put this on my boy. I know I would not be here of it was not for him.
Stay as strong as you can Hun ask for help when you need it. In regards to what Dominic was saying, I too wonder if I should have children while struggling with depression. Depression and anxiety run in both sides of my family. I would love to become a mother someday, but if depression is indeed genetic and it seems like it is , how can I knowingly inflict such a devastating condition on my own child?
My own struggles have utterly wrecked my quality of life as a person, and in a very real way I feel that it would be immoral and irresponsible for me to bring a child into the world because I will either a pass it along to them and set them up for their own miserable torture, b make them witness to my mental illness and possibly scar them for life, or c both.
I know some people still debate whether depression is passed down genetically or not, but I feel I have enough evidence to warrant the assumption that it is. I would hate to do this to someone else, especially my own flesh and blood.
Thoughts or opinions, please? Any and all sides are welcome. I need advice. Vulnerability to depression has a very large genetic component. You can find many scientific articles on the subject on PubMed. One of the best supported models holds that this genetic risk interacts most strongly with stress, especially childhood stress. When I was 14 in , I experienced major depression and was suicidal off and on for years.
I was furious with my parents for not asking precisely your question—it turns out depression runs in my family. Of course, my parents did not have the same information in as people do now. People really misunderstand and overrate their own genes anyway. I will hold off until I do. This is so amazing to be aware of. Really wise! Sorry to hear this Chelsea. It is just get worse day by day and sometimes when you are in a good mood you think that you finally got over this diseases but then you would again go back to this rotting hell.
I have tried so much over the years but nothing really works permanently. I myself have depression and lost all my friends because of it.
I feel life is passing me by and look back in regret. I myself have no one so would be happy to help. I come from a very similar situation as you. Oldest of 4 children with a depressing mom. I too am considering never having kids due to me going in and out of depression. I try to be happy and remember all the good that I have but the sad feeling always seems to come back. I feel distant and lonely most of the time. They never consider to call me. Always getting married and divorced.
I was her only child and I was taken along for her ride. I have a hole in my heart from not getting the nurturing, protection and stability I needed to develop proper self-confidence and safety. As another poster wrote, you do NOT want to have a child just so you can get unconditional love. That will blow up in your face when they hit puberty. Which worked when they were little, but eventually they became wise to my act.
Being super real with your kids is a transformative, humbling, teaching experience for you and for them. I think if you are drawn to being a parent, be a parent. Get real. Do some inner work. EMDR is a wonderful therapy that can help heal you from your childhood trauma. Nature heals.
Meditation is awesome. Having said that, you do NOT have to have it all figured out. You never will. And we will all make mistakes. Be willing to admit them to yourself and to your kids, and your kids will in turn, be honest with you, and trust and respect you.
I have been a stay at home mom for the last 23 years. My oldest daughter is happily married and in her 2nd year of teaching. My youngest daughter is a senior in college and thriving. My son is a junior in high school and is a wonderful joy. My life and my joy was raising my children. I am beginning to feel useless now that they are all grown.
But the truth is that they all still need me just in different ways. They love me, call me, appreciate me so why do I feel this way? It was a living hell.
I was just starting to feel better and then these weepy feelings of missing my days of having young children have crept in.
If anyone else has dealt with this please give me some advice. I have dealt with this my entire life! I somehow was able to cope very well and had success in business and then, one day… it all ended! I feel NO joy, NO excitement in going anywhere, spending time w anyone! Please believe me. I wish I had known this four months ago. I suffer from depression and yes, I am a walking depressive. Is that the right word? My husband and I get up around 9 or 10 ish when the kids are home, earlier when they go to school and stay up, usually working, until 3 AM.
And I have very little assistance in the medical community. So I muddle through, just like so many others. Then there are those folks like me. Weird, I know. I love my family. I love what I do. There are just these weird times where I want to curl up in a ball, have someone take on the responsibilities and take care of me and everything else. Then I pick myself back up and go at it again. This is totally me. I have fought depression literally my entire life.
My dog and I walk every day and I am very busy with work. But I definately need to change jobs. I clean houses and do some home care but I hate it.
I found this just by chance. I never knew there was such a thing. Hello Janet. I just saw that you have fibromyalgia. Have you had your vitamin D levels checked recently.
A vitamin D deficiency can cause severe muscle aches and joint pain. Check with your doctor and I hope you find relief. Today I am writing down all of your names. I will take you to the beach with me for some quiet time. My hope is that each of us find the support and healing we need, wherever that might be.
A friend sent this to me. How are you today? I love this. But this kind? Stop being such a negative Nelly! It helps. You described that perfectly. You just feel stuck.
Add me to the list too. There is so much I need to change in my life, and unfortunately my family likes the status quo. They might even be acting against me. Having spent many years in the black cloud, and a just a few in the bright sunshine, I could recognize that I was walking around in a grey fog. I know why, but I have not yet been able to find it in me to do something about it.
Ah, you guys are all amazing. Wise Alison and hey, thanks for not dissing meds. Sometimes they are needed. Do you feel better know. I mean its been 4 years already. Thanks for this. I think all the signs are clear. Withdrawling from social contact. Feeling constantly stressed and with no energy, but with no understanding why. I think it really spiraled out of control in the past month after my close friend tragically and suddenly died.
You protect your heart with steel walls. You often feel you don't really matter and your love doesn't make a difference. You're always trying to fit in and belong but rarely feel like you do.
You feel beaten down by the challenges you face in your life. You suffer from a variety of vague, hard-to-treat physical symptoms, such as fatigue, chronic pain, weight gain or loss, insomnia, skin disorders, or gastrointestinal symptoms.
You struggle with being able to accept love and nurturing. You feel depressed, anxious, or chronically worried. You feel like you're not appreciated enough. You find yourself judging others.
You frequently numb yourself with alcohol, drugs, sex, television, or excessive busyness. You feel disappointed with life. You've forgotten how to dream. What to do about it. Sarah Regan. With Gwen Dittmar. Personal Growth. In addition to eliminating conditions from your life that foster unhappiness, you can also begin to add conditions that have been proven to boost our happiness levels. In her book, The How of Happiness , Dr.
Sonja Lyubomirsky reveals her research on what makes people feel happy. Here are some of the happiness-fostering strategies she outlines. Focus your thoughts on all of the good things and people you have in your life. Express sincere gratitude out loud or by journaling your feelings every day in a gratitude journal.
Actively begin to change your outlook from negative to positive. Expect good things to happen, even if you have to fake it at first. Write a vision for yourself of your ideal life circumstances and review it regularly. Again, practicing optimism will begin to change your brain and feelings.
When you do good things for others and see how it positively impacts them, you feel happier. Take a meal to a sick neighbor. Lend a hand to a friend who is moving. A little bit of kindness goes a long way in lifting your mood and increasing your feelings of happiness. Our relationships are key to our happiness — not just our romantic relationships but those with our friends, family, and children. Research has proven that having close and healthy relationships is the number one predictor of happiness.
Research has shown that people who are active in their faith or personal growth are happier. They are focused on improvement and something bigger than themselves that removes them from focusing on ego-based concerns. An essential part of personal growth is recognizing that happiness is an inside job. When you actively pursue your personal evolution, you come to this realization sooner than others might.
Everyone is unhappy from time to time — and often with good reason. Life is fraught with conflict, disappointments, and challenges.
Being unhappy about these situations is natural and is often a motivator to make positive and necessary change. And this makes you feel even worse. However, remaining unhappy for weeks or months is not healthy.
It can lead to inertia, loneliness, and depression. Then take action to address the root cause of your discontent. Practice some of the strategies outlined above to begin to turn your mood around and get unstuck.
If you find yourself in a state of constant unhappiness and dissatisfaction in life, begin the work of eliminating unhappiness fostering conditions and implementing the strategies for feeling happier. Keep a journal of your efforts and rank your level of happiness 1 is very unhappy and 10 is very happy every day. What has been your experience with long-term unhappiness? How have you moved past it? Excellent article Barrie! Finding happiness is an inside job!
So many people focus on the negative instead of looking for all the positive that is there in front of them. As a society we have such a negativity bias. So much weight and attention is place on negative events and positive things are overlooked or taken for granted.
It is possible to Retrain the Brain on how to focus our attention a different way! Hi Nina, So happy to meet you here! I look forward to seeing your site and work. Thank you so much for your comments.
Yes we are a negativity-oriented society — especially in the media. It is an infectious disease that spreads from person to person.
But just awareness is often enough to help shift us out of the negativity cycle of thinking and start spreading positivity. Thank You!! I found I became much happier when I accepted responsibility for my own happiness. I was so focused on helping others that I neglected myself. I love this article so much! Thank you so much for sharing these insights and advices. Keep on keeping on! Being happy is so easy if you just follow the conditions you have mentioned.
Its wonderful to get connected to a person with such beautiful thoughts. I will definitely be looking forward to read more of your articles. I too am working at an Inspirational Training Organisation called Lifeschool. Do visit my website too for inspirational and true stories.
I hope I can become happier! Im 15 and i have been unhappy for a while now. My family and friends notice it and it makes them sad, mad, and unhappy. I know that im young and that i should be happy but i hate my appearance and others do too. I find myself comparing myself to others countless times a day. I care so much about what people think and i have terrible self esteem.
Hi Caley, I am so sorry you are feeling unhappy in your life right now. I have two daughters who have gone through the same feelings when they were you age, so I completely understand your feelings. At 15, how your peers view you and how you compare to others is something that feels really important. And it seems so much value is placed on appearance, especially for girls.
However, the emphasis on these things is lessened as you get older and as others around you are more mature and see the value in more important things. Real happiness comes from real, deep friendships and relationships and from accomplishing something in your life. Work toward excellence in whatever that thing happens to be. Achievement definitely affords self-esteem and happiness.
They are out there. Things will get better, I promise. If you find that nothing makes you happy anymore, start with your mindset, address your physical and mental health, restart activities that you previously found enjoyable, and then take stock of your situation.
If you still feel a lack of enjoyment or motivation, you may be living with clinical depression, which is not a problem you can solve on your own. Remember that there is no shame in reaching out for help if you need it. Especially if you have tried all of the previous suggestions without any improvement, it's important to reach out to your doctor or a mental health professional for help.
Everything feels more challenging when you're dealing with depression. Get our free guide when you sign up for our newsletter. Carter C. Puskar M. Your Privacy Rights. To change or withdraw your consent choices for VerywellMind. At any time, you can update your settings through the "EU Privacy" link at the bottom of any page. These choices will be signaled globally to our partners and will not affect browsing data.
We and our partners process data to: Actively scan device characteristics for identification. I Accept Show Purposes. Table of Contents View All. Table of Contents. Change Your Mindset. End Rumination and Engage in Problem Solving. Get Some Exercise. Develop Healthy Habits.
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