Sammy Davis Jr. Elaine : So what movie are you guys seeing? Nikki : "Means to an End " Elaine : Oh. We were going to see that but it was sold out. So were going to see " Blame it on the Rain " Jerry : Why don't you see what you can do?
Nikki : Okay. Elaine : What's she going to do? There's no more tickets. Jerry : We'll see. Todd : Hey Jerry. Do you like cigars? Jerry : Yeah. Todd : I am going to Montreal tomorrow and they sell them dirt cheap. Jerry : Hey ,that might be a nice idea for George's wedding. Todd : So do you want a box? Jerry : Sure. If there cheap Why not. Todd : All right I buy a box and give to Elaine. Elaine : How did you do that? Nikki : I just talked to the manager. Jerry : All right. Enjoy " Blame it on the Rain " Jerry and George at the coffee shop George : There putting in a lost and found because of me.
There's a time limit but still. Jerry : There really building a Utopian society up there huh. And you tribute all this to the calzone.
George : Yeah. I am like a drug dealer. I got the guy hooked. I am having lunch at his desk everyday this week. He doesn't make a move without me. It's very exciting.
Jerry : With you two guys at the helm. The last piece of the puzzle is in place. George : So let me ask you a question about the tip jar. I had a little thing with the calzone guy this week. I go to drop a buck in the tip jar and just as I am about to drop it in he looks the other way. And then when I am leaving he gives me this look think thanks for nothing. I mean if they don't notice it what's the point. Jerry : So you don't make it a habit of giving to the blind.
George : Not bills. Jerry : So George. Remember when I told you Nikki gets whatever she wants. We are at the movies last night. It's sold out. Nikki goes and talks to the manager. Right in. George : Beautiful women. You know they could get away with murder. You never she any of them lift anything over three pounds.
They get whatever they want whenever they want it. You can't stop them. Jerry : She's like a beautiful Godzilla. George : Without thousands of fleeing Japanese. Jerry and Kramer at his apartment Kramer : Hey buddy. Jerry : What the hell is all this? Kramer : I am looking for quarters for the dryer.
Jerry : Why can't you do this on your table? Kramer : Because I don't have a table. Elaine walks in Elaine : Hey. Jerry : Hey. So how was "Blame it on the Rain?
Yeah thanks for getting us tickets too. Jerry : Oh!! Let me ask you a question. Was the movie part of the bet? Kramer leaves Elaine : No. We were both in the mood for one. Jerry : You know Elaine , It is not my way to intrude on the personal lives of close fiends Elaine : Oh is that so. Jerry : Absolutely. But I feel I must inform you that what happened last night was more than a simple bet.
Elaine : What are you talking about? Jerry : Come on. Dustin Hoffman in Star Wars. He made a bet he knew he was going to lose just to take you to dinner Elaine : If he wanted to ask me out why didn't he just ask me. Jerry : Because if he doesn't ask you out he doesn't get rejected.
He has found a dating loop hole. Elaine : I don't buy it. Kramer walks in with more change Jerry : So what happened after the movie? Elaine : Nothing. He walked me home. Jerry : To the door? Jerry : That's a date. Elaine : No it's not. Jerry : But I never walk you home. Elaine : That's just because your a jackass. Kramer : Ah!! I found a quarter. Anybody want there clothes heated up? Jerry : No , no. Elaine : No , no. Jerry : So how did you leave it with him? Elaine : I am supposed to meet him to pick up your cigars.
Jerry : That's another loop hole. That's two dates without asking you out. Elaine : Your crazy! Jerry : Crazy like a man. George at Pisano's Worker : Number George : You know my last name is Costanza. That's Italian. So you and I are like country men. George : And I always take care of my Pisano's. So here is a little something. You steal my money!!
George : No no. That's not what I was trying to do. Worker : I know what you try to do. Get out. Don't ever come back ever. Steinbrenner : Beautiful. I am starving George.
George : I thought tomorrow maybe we'd try a little corn beef. Steinbrenner : Corn beef. It is a little fatty. George : How about Chinese? Steinbrenner : Uhhhhh. Too many containers.
Big mess , big mess. Too sloppy. I want to stick with the calzones from Pisano's. That's the ticket. George : I just thought it would be nice. A little variety. Steinbrenner : No , no , no. George let me tell you something. When I find something I like I stick with it. From to I ate the exact same lunch everyday.
Turkey chili in a bowl made out of bread. Bread bowl George. First you eat the chili then you eat the bowl. There's nothing more satisfying than looking down after lunch and seeing nothing but a table. Todd walking Elaine to her apartment Elaine : Thanks for the dinner. Todd : Well I had to give these cigars and we were both hungry. Elaine : Hey Todd. Was this whole date thing just a way of asking me out? Todd : What? Todd : Elaine that was a legitimate bet and I lost so I bought you dinner.
Elaine : Oh all right. Okay well , goodnight. Todd : Hey , if your not doing anything Saturday do you want to meet somewhere? Elaine : See what is that? Is that a date? Todd : Why can't two people go and do something without it being a date? Elaine : All right. I am sorry it's not a date. Todd : No way.
So I'll see you Saturday night? Todd : Pick you up at p. Jerry and Nikki getting pulled over by a cop Police officer : Do you know what the posted speed limit on this road is? Jerry : I was got to be Police officer : That's right it is. Do you know how fast you were going? Jerry : A lot faster than that!
Police officer : Step out of the car sir. Jerry : Okay dokey Police officer : Can I have your license and registration please? Nikki : Yes. Jerry : Would you mind bringing the officer the registration? Nikki : Not at all. Police officer : I got you on the radar at 93 miles per hour. Jerry : You must have gotten me when I slowed down to take that curve because for a while there I was doing well over Nikki : Officer.
Do you really have to give us a ticket? Jerry : All right Nik. That's it. Kramer and Jerry at his apartment Kramer : Hey buddy. I am waiting for my shirt. Jerry : You got your shirt in my oven!?! Kramer : I didn't have any quarters for the dryer. Anyway this is better. And it's more convenient. Jerry : For both of us. Kramer : And I have a lot more control. I have one shirt going for 10 minutes at degrees. Jerry : What's wrong with your oven? Kramer : I am baking a pie!
Buzz , buzz Jerry : Yeah. Jerry : Come on up. Kramer : You got cigars , huh. Jerry : I got some Cubans for George's wedding.
They were more than I wanted to pay for but what the hell! Jerry : Peru! Kramer : You got ripped buddy. Kramer : That's a nice name. Is that Dutch? Dingggggg Oh baby. Here we go. Uh momma. Kramer leaves George : Well this is bad. I am really in a bad situation now.
Jerry : so what is Steinbrenner going to do if he doesn't get his calzones? George : What's he going to do? That's exactly the point. Nobody knows what this guy is capable of! He fires people like it is a bodily function. Jerry : Why don't you get someone else from the office to go get Pisano's for you? George : Because before you know it he'll be having lunch with him. You know how these interoffice politics work. I never had a job.
Kramer walks in with no pants on Kramer : I decided to go with the brown one 's. Jerry : Kramer's cooking up some corduroy. George : There has got to be some way to get back into Pisano's. Kramer : Pisano's. That's the place by the stadium right? You've heard of it? Newman raves about it.
It's on his mail route. He goes by there everyday. George : I'll see you guys later. Jerry : What kind of pie are you cooking? Kramer : Huckleberry. George at Newman's apartment Newman : You certainly are in a bind. And since you go buy there everyday.
I was hoping that we could help each other out. Newman : Oh well. Let me perfectly blunt. I don't care for you Costanza. You hang out at the west side of the building with Seinfeld all day and just it up wasting your lives. George : Are you going to help me or not? Newman : All right , all right. I'll help you but I will except something in return. George : What? Newman : Well for starters I want a calzone of my own George : All right.
Newman : And a slice of pepperoni pizza and a large soda and three times a week I will require a canolie. George : That's a little steep don't you think?
Newman : You know I hear Mr. Steinbrenner can be a bit erratic. I would hate to see him when he's hungry. George : All right , all right. Newman : Do we have a deal? George : But I have to have them by one o'clock. He's very regiment about his meals. Newman : I know exactly how he feels. Pleasure doing business with you. Do come again. Todd and Elaine at a restaurant Elaine : This is nice. Todd : Gack. Party of four. Elaine : Party of four? Who are we meeting? Todd : Mom!
This is Elaine. Mom : Hello. Elaine : Hellllllooooo. End of dinner Mom : Nice meeting you. Todd : Bye mom. Mom : She's wonderful. Elaine : What the hell was that? Elaine : Why did you introduce me to your parents? Nobody can stop them. Jerry: She's like a beautiful Godzilla. George: And I'm thousands of fleeing Japanese. Newman: Well, you certainly are in a bind. George: Yeah. And I thought since you go buy there everyday, we could help each other out.
Newman: [chuckles] Oh, well. Let me perfectly blunt. I don't care for you, Costanza. You hang out on the west side of the building with Seinfeld all day and just laughing it up, wasting your lives. George: Are you going to help me or not? Newman: All right, all right. I will help you. But I will except something in return.
George: What? Newman: Well, for starters I want a calzone of my own. George: All right. Newman: And a slice of pepperoni pizza. And a large soda. And three times a week, I shall require a canolie. George: That's a little steep, don't you think? Newman: You know, I hear Mr. Steinbrenner can be a bit erratic. I would hate to see him when he's hungry.
George: All right, all right. Newman: Do we have a deal? George: Just make sure you have them to me by one o'clock. He's very regimented about his meals. Newman: I know exactly how he feels. Well, nice doing business with you. Do come again. Quote from The Package. Jerry: So we're going to make the post office pay for my new stereo? Kramer: It's a write-off for them. Jerry: How is it a write-off? Kramer: They just write it off. Jerry: Write it off what?
Kramer: Jerry, all these big companies, they write off everything. Jerry: You don't even know what a write-off is. Kramer: Do you? Jerry: No. I don't. Kramer: But they do. And they're the ones writing it off. Quote from The Pool Guy. Kramer: [answers phone] Hello, and welcome to Moviefone. Mountain High.
Rated R. If you know the name of the movie you'd like to see, press 1. Elaine: Kramer, is that you? Kramer: Elaine? Elaine: Uh, what time does Chow Fun start? Kramer: I don't know. Quote from The Yada Yada. Jerry: So you won't believe what happened with Whatley today.
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